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Wednesday, January 2, 2013

Suspicious Behavior

Today is Jan. 2, 2013. It's my brother's birthday. Happy birthday, Andrew.It's also what I think of as the "unofficial end of the holiday season." Sounds technical, no? January 2nd is also the real New Year's Day, because let's face it, most of us probably spend January 1st sitting around the house indulging in whatever vices we were into last year. From what I understand from my a.d.d.-riddled half-interested Catholic school education though, the Magi or 3 Kings of Orient-R didn't show up until around January 6, so I guess there is no succinct ending to the holiday season.
Looked like business as usual to me today when I was inside of a shopping mall. Truly frightening. If you want to know what it feels like to go insane, walk through a crowded shopping mall and just listen to the sounds and conversations without looking at the people. That's what I did today. It was psychologically jarring to say the least. I was inside of this shopping mall because I decided to see a movie and that's where the theater was located.
Trudged through the commerce zombie mall and went inside the movie theater part of the mall. Procured a ticket. When I went to the podium to give the man my ticket, he wasn't at his post. I proceeded with confidence. He quickly approached me. "Hi, are you okay?", he asked me. I responded, "I'm fine, how are you?" He said nothing. "Happy New Year" I said. "....Yeah." was his vapid and somewhat suspicious response.
After I obtained my obligatory popcornsnax from the swindlers at the concession stand ("are you sure you wouldn't like to try one of our combos today" with a lifeless zeal, I take my seat ad await for the sights and sounds to ensue and allow me to forget about life for awhile. The magic of film. But before there is a warning on the screen about turning my smartphone off followed by, "if you happen to notice any suspicious behavior tell an AMC crew member right away."
I wasn't thinking about it at the time, but after that announcement was made I started eyeballing all the singular dudes in there watching the new Tarantino movie. How many of them were there for the violence? I wondered. I wondered how many of them had their license to bear arms and conceal weapons. How many of them were packing? And why don't I have a gun? What if one of these guys lights this place up and I'm sitting here holding nothing but my diet Pepsi and these stupid Hobbit 3-D glasses?
Mob mentality paranoia aside, going to the movies is becoming scary. What the fuck happened? I remember in fifth grade on Friday nights there would be "fights" (pushing matches) at the movies. If you weren't careful you could end up with a fat lip. Today at the movies there were safety announcements like we were on an airplane. The bullies are no longer just in the parking lot, they're in the theater now too. And they work there. And they have guns. And you're on of them. And me too.
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